Here’s a little encouragement to all men out there. Apologies to the female variety of humanity! I’m a man, but even after decades of marriage, I have no authority to speak for woman-kind!
Isn’t it sexist to be discussing manhood and a binary division imposed by a past oppressive society? Isn’t it small-minded and exclusionary? After all, old gender distinctions are being erased, right? In answer, I have no intention of being divisive, except perhaps to divide reality from nonsense; truth from foolishness; light from darkness, and God from the one who wants to destroy or to trash all that God has made. These are the kind of binary distinctions we all need to defend.
I see so many young people, and older people wishing to appear young, denying the natural distinctions in humanity. The truth is there for all to see, and do I really have to be blunt about it? There’s nothing crass or evil or wrong in saying that some people have a penis, and some don’t. Some people can have babies, and some can’t. The differences between male and female-the only two natural, in-born genders-are deep and profound, on our skin, in our hair, our organs, our minds, our chemical and hormonal make-up, and even our very souls.
Yes, there is a very small number of people born with confused genes, but for almost all of us, all we have to do to recognize our gender is to look at our bodies. From there on, it’s easy to know what we are, and who we are.
What is a man supposed to be like? Humanity, even in its more sane expressions, has often made a complete cow-pat of a definition of manhood. As a boy and a young man I was treated with contempt by many, who thought that being a man meant speaking with a deep, loud voice, using four-letter words, being an avid fan of soccer, buying loud, sporty cars, and having muscles or a beer gut. I wasn’t like that. I was quiet, sensitive, skinny, artistic, and not the slightest bit interested in cars or any kind of mechanics. Now, as then, a boy like that would be encouraged to think that he’s effeminate and “must be” gay or a girl in a boy’s body. I assure you that for me this was not the case. It’s very wrong for people to attempt to push kids in the wrong direction, simply because they’re different.
THE WOW FACTOR
Being an artist, I’ve always loved the female form. And apologies to the more prudish among you, but that’s how it’s supposed to be. Men are created to be attracted to women, and women are created to be attracted to men. That’s almost the most natural fact of life. Acceptance of it has been modified and denied somewhat in our present day, because minds, having become untethered from reality, and from God, and from standards which have existed throughout human history, have become warped, twisted, corrupted, foolish, and broken.
LOVE AND SEX
Contrary to the movement of the day, it’s possible to appreciate manhood, and yes, to love other men, without compromising your own manhood. It’s even possible, and perfectly natural, to appreciate another man’s appearance and character, without being at all improper or leaning towards the gay way of thinking. In fact, our culture, once again, has robbed us of a natural appreciation of manhood. We can recognize another’s good looks or manly qualities without thinking anything out of place. I’ve had gay men ask me, rhetorically, why they should not also “love” each other. They insist that there’s nothing wrong with their kind of love.
The answer is that men can love each other-in fact it’s commanded by our God. We can even recognize the beauty another man has, and admire it. However, love and sex are not synonyms. We can love someone without having sex with them and without thinking of them sexually. Sex is intended by God to be the fulfillment of marriage and commitment between a man and a woman. Again, the design of the human body shouts and screams this truth: don’t deny it. Sex between men is a gross sin against the design and the will of God.
DEFINITIONS AND DIFFERENCES
What should a man be like? Some of the definitions I’ve heard within the Church have been dreadfully inadequate, and almost harping back to the muscles, football and mechanics standards. I’ve heard one pastor state that he thought Jesus looked like a body builder (because Jesus spent two hours in the gym every day, of course). Having muscles is healthy and fine, and yes, manly and attractive, but God has made us all different. Some men just don’t have much in the way of muscle-but they’re still men. We can be different and yet still be manly. I say, “Please be different!” How dull it would be if we all fitted the stereotype and there were no variety. And that stereotype is one reason young people have moved as far from it as they can: it’s boring, dull, and often impossible to meet. Be yourself, but be a man.
THE NATURAL URGE
Real men are attracted to women. Our world is making us men feel guilty for being attracted to females. Truly, we’re not to sin by lusting or by having unmarried sex, and we should love all women equally, whether they turn our heads or not: life is not primarily for sex. However, God has made us to appreciate the distinction! Vivre la difference! Women cause a stirring feeling in us because that’s how God made us! God told Adam to “go forth and multiply”, and sexual attraction was not invented by people or the devil. Do not let the world deny you that natural attraction and urge. But in that attraction, do not sin. Do not lust. Do not seek your own physical fulfillment at any cost. It’s possible to appreciate beauty without planning how to take advantage of it. Women are not objects to be used. They aren’t there to fulfill our selfishness. They are to be respected and treated with kindness, gentleness and honour.
LOVE AND AGGRESSION
How else can we be masculine? If your thing is football and waxing the car, that’s great and healthy. But manhood is more than that. It’s about standing up for what’s right and for defending it, with our lives if necessary. It’s about providing for our families; for working and not sponging; for determination and not weakness. It’s about accepting the roles-including the gender-our creator has given us, and it’s about celebrating them. And yes, it’s about being strong, and when truly needed, tough and aggressive. Don’t believe the world that tells you aggression is always wrong-it isn’t.
THE GREATEST MODEL OF MANHOOD
Many in the Christian world have pointed out that Jesus Christ was our model of true manhood. I would agree with that, and of course He meets all the requirements I outlined above and more. He believed the Word of God and acted on it (He is the Word of God). He stood for truth in an unwavering way-so much so that He made a whip and drove money-changers out of the temple. He loved people but never used them. He protected those around him and provided for them. He respected the free will of all He encountered, while never compromising on truth or reality. He put the needs of others over His own, and ultimately, sacrificed His life for us all.
Fuel for Faith 