People of the world,

I was elected to this most responsible and important position of leadership on a platform of change, and I have endeavored to fulfill that promise with all the power at my disposal. However, it has become increasingly apparent both to myself and to my most trusted advisers that we’ve come too far, we’ve made too much progress, and there’s too much at stake for us to now surrender that hard-earned change to the opponents of freedom in our midst.

For this reason, and by the power afforded me by the Constitution, I have signed into law an order suspending all superfluous elections until further notice, and establishing an enhanced system of homeland security. Thank you in advance for your continued support.