Researchers at the University of Greater Heybridge in Essex, United Kingdom, have been working on a project which could be set to turn the music world upside down…

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Professor Scat “the cool cat” Higginbottom has been at the center of an advanced study, picking up from where the late and great Vivian Stanshall left off.  That is, the discovery that hamsters have more musical talent in their genes than Mozart and Beethoven had between them. You will surely remember, dear listener, that Stanshall spearheaded the ground-breaking research in “Snail Music”.

It all began late one December night in 1971 when Stanshall, then still working on his own masterpieces for the “Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band”, detected  a small, shrill but heavenly voice coming from the corner of his living room. To Stanshall’s amazement, it was his thirty-two year old hamster “Minks”, who, after having relieved himself copiously on the floor of his cage, was jubilantly singing “Moonlight In Vermont” with a gusto which would have sent Sinatra into a rage of envy. The University of Heybridge was poised to spearhead the study of this phenomenon.

Unfortunately neither Stanshall nor the Uni. were able to find the funding needed to conduct a thorough study of Minks’ talent, and the raver rodent was all but forgotten. However, similar discoveries made by other hamster-lovers in recent times have revived interest in these amazing creatures, and thanks to Prime Minister May’s personal interest in the humble hamster, government funding has at last been forthcoming to the tune of two million British pounds (twenty-eight trillion dollars).

Professor Higginbottom is absolutely delighted:

“I’m absolutely delighted”, he said.

So stay tuned folks, it’s only a matter of time before the newest heart throb on your favorite radio station will be…a hamster.

* Apologies to all you hamster-lovers out there who’ve read my report on this amazing research before. Please allow me to be slightly insane, or I will go completely insane… Why did I select the “Evolution/ Creation category for this post? You may well ask…

 

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