I’ve lived long enough to be carrying an extensive series of regrets, lurking and lowering in the back of my mind, and occasionally smashing into my consciousness…
I’ve done and said far too many stupid things. I’ve turned aside from far too many potentially fruitful situations, and I’ve neglected far too many lovely, precious people. Too many times I’ve said to myself, “Why did I…?” or “Why didn’t I?”
Before you start fretting on my behalf and attempting to hook me up with your favorite counselor or your own, proven, positive-thinking techniques, let me make it clear that my life is not commanded or ruined by past mistakes. I’m not depressed or obsessed over any of them. Whatever I did wrong in the past, and whatever I didn’t do that I should have done, I’ve forgiven myself for (though I’ve had to do it many times) just as my heavenly Father has forgiven me.
No, I don’t dwell on the past in any unhealthy fashion. But sometimes the memories just pop into my mind, and I can’t help cringing and metaphorically kicking myself. Yes, it is also possible to kick yourself literally-I’ve done it.
After having one of those “Why did I?” moments today, I realized that not one of my failures can be blamed on anything I’ve done in faith. Here I exclude those notions some believers have that “The Lord told me” to do or to say such-and-such: that can lead to calamity unless that’s where the concept really came from. Instead I’m referring to steps I’ve taken in response to what I’ve learned about the Biblical, Godly way to life.
I could not put one of my mistakes or failures down to keeping a commandment, or to following some Biblical advice, or putting into practice a principle from the eternal Word. All those things have given me nothing but blessing, and they’ve only put me on a straighter path in life. This to me is one more evidence that what I have in my Bible is the Word of the living God.
Most importantly, with God every day is a new day. He doesn’t dangle our failures in front of our eyes, or prod us with our neglect, because:
…as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12 NIV).
It wasn’t God’s fault, it wasn’t the devil’s fault, and it wasn’t the fault of anyone around me: it was all my own failure and stupidity. If, in those times when I jumped into the wrong situation, or ejected people from my life, or turned away from a genuinely open door… if I had been walking in the Word as I should have been, I surely wouldn’t have made so many stupid mistakes…
As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless (Psalm 18:30 NIV).
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path (Psalm 119:105).
If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (John 8:31-32 ESV).