1: NETANYAHU TO STAR IN REMAKE OF “FIDDLER ON THE ROOF”!

Has anyone noticed the close resemblance between Tevye, the main character in the movie “Fiddler on the Roof”, and Benjamin Netenyahu, the Israeli Prime –minister? Their voices (and of course their accents) are also very similar…

 

In truth Bibi’s a little too busy to accept the part just now. However,  he did say that when he does manage to star in the show, he will not be moving out of his homeland when he’s told to!

2: IS TIME SPEEDING UP?

I heard a prophecy expert saying that God has sped time up so as to get us to the Rapture quicker and get the world sorted out: the whole world is on fast-forward, that’s why it’s so hard to fit everything into a day, and why it only seems like yesterday that we were chewing on a rusk and having our diapers changed.

This idea is not Biblical and it doesn’t comply with science.

Bible characters, writing many centuries ago, observed that a life- time seems to pass in the twinkling of an eye. James said:

“What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes” (James 4:14).

Job said:

“Man…springs up like a flower and withers away; like a fleeting shadow, he does not endure” (Job 14:1-2).

I’m no physicist, but I do know enough to know that time  is inextricably one with space and matter, and is so in every single particle in the universe. If time were “sped up”, so would be the operations of the atoms in your brain, your legs, your car, and in everything around you, so that you would not notice any difference. The calculations of Einstein, to some extent demonstrated to be valid, show that, for example, while a man travelling at half the speed of light in space would come back to earth having aged less than his contemporaries, his own experience on that space ship would not have given him any impression that time for him was going by slower than it had done on earth.

With God one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years are as one day. He is outside of time and not affected by it, so he doesn’t have to be “in a hurry” to do anything.

No, time has not been sped up, (at least I don’t believe it has). Instead, we are going crazy in this modern society which we’re all guilty of creating, trying to fit more and more into our day, and being pushed by our governments and our own proclivities to go faster all the time. The more you try to fit into your day, the quicker time will seem to go. If you were to sit quietly (without your TV-painful I know) and watch the clock for a day, you would seem to have “slowed down” considerably, and may find yourself getting rather relaxed, and perhaps even a little bored. ZZZzzz…

3: WHERE DOES ALL THE TIME GO ANYWAY?

While on the subject of time being short, it occurred to me, in my unscientific way, why our past seems to have gone in a flash-and I think we all have that sensation, don’t we?

Many memories are stored in our brains. However, the time over which they transpired is not. When we look at those events from our past, they are not replayed in our minds over the time it took them to occur. A memory of a day out comes into our mind like a series of photographs or short clips of an edited video or sound-track. Memories are like a deck of cards stacked together, or like a computer program which has been compressed to save space.

If you want to sense some of the time which seems to have vanished, you perhaps need to try to replay your memories at normal speed, with every little movement, discussion, down-time, journey and rest fully played out in your mind, so that a day out ten years ago would take you a day to recall.

Alas, it’s not all there is it? Perhaps that’s a good thing, because if everything were stored there would be pain, boredom, fear and unhappiness stored there also.

4: ARE YOU A MONKEY’S GREAT-GRANDFATHER?

If we’re to believe some children’s books and documentaries, apes and monkeys spend their time grooming, eating fruit, playing and reclining with family and friends, making love, and just hanging out in the trees. In contrast, we humans spend our time getting up early feeling half dead, working hard all day just to have a place to live and clothes to wear, eating junky processed food which we have to pay for, being controlled and ordered around, arguing with our mates, getting stressed about our bills and the latest news, and falling out without relatives and friends.

Hey…maybe the evolutionists are wrong: maybe apes evolved from humans!

THE SMARTEST MONKEYS

On the same subject, I’ve quoted below some lyrics from a one-time favorite band of mine,  “XTC”, the song being called “The Smartest Monkeys”. ( Hey, I know the theory is that we “descended from ape-like creatures” and not monkeys, so please don’t try to put me right on that one). Here’s part of the song:

Well man created the cardboard box to sleep in it

And man converted the newspaper to a blanket

Well you have to admit that he’s come a long way

Since swinging about in the trees

We’re the smartest monkeys

The smartest monkeys

The evidence is all around

Our brains are bigger

This we’ve found

The smartest monkeys

Well man discovered the park bench can make a transition

And the rubbish tip makes a valid form of nutrition

With discoveries like these

Civilization agrees

To give itself a pat on the back

We’re the smartest monkeys

The evolution’s plain to see

We’re the dominant of the species…

http://www.jango.com/music/XTC?l=0

(If you click on the top play button, not the lower “PLAY” button, you should be able to hear the song).

5: N-U-C-L-E-A-R!

Please Mr. Prophecy Expert (and former President Bush)-it’s “new-clear”, NOT “NOO-KYA-LARR”!“

6: FRUSTRATING RADIO

I often turn on the radio just in time to catch the end of a song that I like a lot and haven’t heard for years. How does that happen?

7: CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS

I’m not sure if these are genuine or made up:

The sermon subject this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water” The sermon subject this evening: “Searching for Jesus”

DON’T LET WORRY KILL YOU…THE CHURCH CAN HELP!

Please place your donation into the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

This evening Mrs. Slater will speak on the topic heading, “I upped my pledge…up yours”

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