(DOODIS: “I See You”)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the official viewpoint of the amazing Last Tower project!
Join with me in a celebration of the greatest, the most awesome… the only perpetual capital and home of the human race for all future generations- a structure our ancestors could only dream of!
From this most impressive vantage point you can see the entire structure as it nears completion.
Beginning a survey of our Glorious home, I would have you notice the tower’s foundation, entirely and uniquely visible from the surface, consisting of only the finest quality silica or, to those less educated among you, sand.
The tower itself is just a little over one hundred and two miles high. Its thirteen point seven billion bricks are made of one hundred percent lie-stone. Yes sir, I said “lie-stone”- the only material we need to bake the very toughest bricks known to man-thoroughly tested and refined to withstand the most determined onslaught of our Enemy.
Why is the stone black? Well sir, the stone is completely black because it’s designed to reflect no light whatsoever: scientists and designers have successfully removed all traces of God-contamination.
Windows? Yes sir—I was just coming to that…
Yes sir, there are windows-seven billion of them! You may not be able to see them from here: our technicians are still working on the lighting system. Anyway, the windows, like the bricks, are formed with lie-stone, in order to minimize reflectivity, and to filter out all harmful radiation emitted from our Enemy’s Celestial City. We don’t want to lose any power because of Him now sir, do we?
The tower has exactly seven billion luxury living quarters. Each room-aa-mansion is fitted with the latest in language translation technology, so that everyone will instantly hear and understand the pronouncements of Our Glorious Leader. And, in a spirit of true unity and reciprocation, every word uttered by humanity will be instantly collected, translated, scanned and scrutinized in our Control Room. In this way, any attempt to cause dissention or variation from the accepted norm, and any failure to pay, can be dealt with swiftly and decisively.
Expressing the incredible generosity of Our Glorious Leader, the Tower has been built with one living quarter for each person, because as he has made clear, no two people should live together for any length of time:
“Family breeds insanity; family perpetuates ignorance.”
In this way, total unity and happiness of mankind will be achieved.
Priests of the Great Prophet Darwin are already escorting residents to their place of termination-I’m sorry-I mean their terminal, from where they will be led to their very own home.
You can just see the structure at the very top of the tower. This is our newly-designed Multi-Mega-Waste telescope, built to detect even the faintest of messages from the depths of space, while simultaneously filtering out all messages and interference transmitted at short range by our Enemy.
The noise sir? No-do not cover your ears sir! The noise you can hear is the Tower’s sound system, audible in every single room, playing Justin Bieber’s latest creation, “Oh baby, yeah baby”.
At the heart of the Tower-in an entirely secure area-is the Control Room, where Our Glorious Leader will reside and rule, and around it, as you can see, Our Leader’s Ten Commandments adorn the central part of the tower in one-mile high letters. Now let’s all say the Greatest Commandment, our Leader’s dictum:
“You shall love Your Glorious Leader with all your heart, and with all your mind, and with all your body, and with all your soul, and him only shall you serve…”
(Copyright © Nick Fisher 15th February 2014)